Even Me (Presidential Address)

My fellow Americans:

Today, we suffered a heartbreaking and disturbing loss. Our friends and family, neighbors and coworkers, community leaders and politicians vanished in a manner we cannot begin to perceive or understand at this point in time.

At approximately four-thirty-four this afternoon, over one hundred million members of our global population faded into some other place, not yet known or understood by those of us left behind.

This occurrence is not restrained by our borders. From China to Mexico, from Ghana to France; all across the globe, there are reports of mass disappearances of our brothers and sisters in the middle of their days, in the midst of an ordinary day in our broad world.

As I speak, a team of men and women is being assembled to determine the cause of this Sudden Departure. They are the best in all of their fields: psychologists and psychiatrists, sociologists and biologists. This board will not stray to religious or ideological bias; it is to be bipartisan and fair in order to obtain the most accurate reasoning behind such an unusual and devastating event.

Now I speak not as your President, but as a citizen of humanity. Now, I speak as a father, who like many of you, lost what was precious to him. I received word five hours ago that my children are no longer with me. They too, evanesced to a location unknown. As a man whose children are protected and watched almost every hour of every day, even I am not immune to the forces of nature, the power of God, the work of an unknowable element of the universe--whatever this Departure was initiated by.

Now I speak to you as your fellow man. We must not split apart as we grieve. We must unite together again as a nation, as a state, from every village to city to town, from every community to each individual one of you. Help your fellow man. Help them cope, help them live, help them continue on in the names of those we loved and lost.

And now, I wish every person left breathing on this good, green Earth a benevolent good night, good luck, and Godspeed.